Oh, how wonderfully retro!
With the planet shuddering beneath the financial hurricane, pretty soon everything you own will be standard issue. You’ll have standard issue shirts, standard issue powdered eggs, standard issue cars. Everyone will start to look exactly the same, boys and girls sharing the same standard issue hairstyle, and sexual intercourse will be strictly standard issue spooning – missionary will be too similar to making love to your reflection. The government would never stand for that. It’s all so standard issue. Which is why we go bonkers whenever we hear about something strange, exciting and unusual. “I was just walking down the street when I spotted a brilliant old phone in a charity shop,” explains good friend, Catherine. “It would look brilliant in the lounge, so I bought it.” The risky purchase is all the colours of the rainbow – except red, orange, yellow, green, indigo and violet. So it’s blue. With a bit of black. It looks great. So, come on Cath, how much for this ever so non-standard-issue purchace? “£4.50”