Such fun, cheerful people…
Unlike our dungareed lesbian friends, we don’t believe in stereotypes. Blondes, we assume, are all different. Some are hugely intelligent, some – as with the occasional brunette – are completely thick. It’s just a hair colour – albeit one that makes you look instantly more attractive! It was such a tight call, this one, with great blondies like Debbie Harry, Kim Basinger, Sharon Stone, Brigitte Bardot, Glynis Barber, Kimberley Davis, and the tennis girl scratching her bottom all just missing out…
1. Goldie Hawn
Such a bubbly thing, Goldie Hawn herself would have you think that she’s a total cretin, with those dead eyes and that brainless smile. And yet she has survived the unforgiving Hollywood conveyor belt for over forty years, which makes her a genius. A stunning lady, her career highs include Private Benjamin, moving in with Kurt Russell, and gifting the world with Kate Hudson, who is something of a minx herself. Good work, blonde-face.
2. Marilyn Monroe
The most iconic of all the blondes, Monroe was a natural brunette. We particularly like her strange, dreamy voice, which made her sound a bit like a woman who had just wolfed down a handful of barbiturates and started talking to you. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what she did on August 5th 1962, when she died of a supposed overdose. Elton John has since written a song about her, which he later changed to suit Lady Diana.
3. Kim Wilde
Wilde is one of those amazing women who somehow manage to grow more beautiful as they grow older. We may, of course, change our stance on that once she’s in her 70s, but for now she is the most sexy she has ever been. What a woman, what a blonde.
4. Pamela Anderson
Were you to bundle a hooded gang of street criminals into a shed and demand at knifepoint that they describe the perfect woman, you would leave that shed with a mental picture of Pamela Anderson in your head – big fake bosoms, no stomach, curves, magnificent bulbous lips, gigantic yellow hair. Good on you, hoodies. See, if you just focus…
Of course, we would never dream of allowing the boys to feast on such a luxurious treat without also tending to more womanly needs. Below is Owen Wilson.