Interestment’s Football Haircut XI

Published: 30th Mar, 2009

Not including this maniac…

beckham

With usual writer of excellent sporting insight, Eliot, away on holiday, we’ve taken it upon ourselves to honour some footballers. But rather than concentrate on the current crop – with their big watches and expensive club memberships – we thought we’d shine a spotlight on the warriors of old. Focusing mainly on their lovely hairstyles.

Hence, football’s greatest Haircut XI reads thusly…

Goalkeeper, Rene Higuita

higuita

The handsome Columbian goalie is just as famous for his great saves as he is for his gorgeous dark curly hair. The kind you could lose a stroking hand in.

Right Back, Sergio Ramos

sergio-ramos

An incredible lover of women, Ramos is famous in Spain for his prolific sex life. And is it any wonder when he has a brilliant Rachel Cut?

Centre Back, Barry Venison

vennison

Before he became a serious pundit with a normal hairstyle, Venison used to adopt womanly cuts to fool opposition attackers into thinking he might be a walkover. More fool them.

Centre Back, Des Walker

des-walker

One of the first footballers to steal heavily from hip hop stylings, Des went for a flat top with an interesting kink in it.

Left Back, Alexi Lalas

lalas

Probably the most famous American footballer, he was relatively good in defence, but even better when it came to maintaining complicated hair and a manly beard. Solid.

Right Midfield, Tony Daley

tony-daley

This guy was like grease lightening, and just edges out Beckham, thanks to his classic toupee look.

Centre Midfield, Carlos Valderrama

valderama

The reigning champion of football haircuts, Valderrama captains the side, with his glorious My Little Pony mane. Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

Centre Midfield, Bobby Charlton

bobby-chartlon

It’s easy to forget that footballers didn’t used to be totally vain. Bobby is here to remind us of that with his strange, elderly gentleman hair.

Left Midfield, Chris Waddle

chris-waddle

The only thing more striking and elusive than Chris’ football skills was his actual hair. Sometimes excellent, often weird, it drew the crowds.

Centre Forward, Ruud Gullit

gullit

Gullit could play pretty much anywhere on the pitch, he was totally brilliant. His trademark locks were universally applauded as well.

Centre Forward, Kevin Keegan

kevin-keegan

It was never in doubt, Keegan was always going to lead the line. A small, strange man, he made up for his lack of natural talent by working very very hard, and striding into a local barbers and demanding something a little bit permed and unusual.

Josh Burt
About the author:
Josh has been a writer and journalist for the best part of twenty years and has written for modern staples like FHM and Cosmopolitan and The Daily Telegraph and The Sun. He has also written a small handful of so-so books that you can still buy.

4 Responses to Interestment’s Football Haircut XI

  1. Barry says:

    Where the hell is Jason Lee and his pineapple hair.

    Funny article though… Carlos Valderrama has fantastic hair!

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