Interestment’s Top Four: Soft Drinks

Published: 23rd Mar, 2009

Some massive names just couldn’t make it…

7-up

Every once in a while, as a man, it’s nice to put down the massive clay jars of whiskey, stub out the pipes, and enjoy something a bit lighter and less intense. Namely a soft drink. Over the years, these have taken many forms, starting in olden times with a traditional flagon of Volvic, before Elizabethan noblemen discovered oranges whilst eating tapas in a Spanish pub, and the revolutionary breakfast drink, orange squash, was born. Since then, we’ve seen sarsaparillas come and go, root beers fall by the wayside, and even fruity delights like Quatro could barely make it past 1985. It’s a competitive, thankless market, making soft drinking not for the faint hearted. Hence, we salute these four giants amongst men…

1. Orangina

orangina

Because there are bits of presumed orange lurking within, it’s easy to assume that this drink is actually good for you. It’s thoroughly refreshing, you are actively encouraged to shake the bottle – once an almighty faux pas – and no small amount of joy can be found in pronouncing the drink’s name in the same way as you might a womanly body part. Excellent.

2. Diet Pepsi

diet-pepsi

A drink practically ignored – thanks mainly to its macho cousin Pepsi Max, not to mention the legendary Diet Coke. And yet, there is something rather refined about ordering a Diet Pepsi. It suggests that you’ve really thought this through. Flavour-wise, it’s the same as Max, and slightly sweeter than Coke. Our cola of choice.

3. Lemon Fanta

fanta-lemon

No other drink can precisely locate the high point of your thirst more excellently than this. Drunk from an icy glass on a sweltering summer afternoon, this is as close to Heaven as you will ever know. On the downside, it doesn’t suit any other season.

4. Perrier

perrier

There are so many bottled waters on the shelves, but none will ever challenge Perrier‘s effortless cool. It’s a suave, yuppyish drink. In many ways, the straw boater wearing man’s version of rap’s Forty Ounces. Exquisite.

Josh Burt
About the author:
Josh has been a writer and journalist for the best part of twenty years and has written for modern staples like FHM and Cosmopolitan and The Daily Telegraph and The Sun. He has also written a small handful of so-so books that you can still buy.

6 Responses to Interestment’s Top Four: Soft Drinks

  1. Monkeytennis says:

    Still can’t quite get over my disappointment that Quatro was phased out mid-80’s. But wot no Tizer or Irn-Bru? No appletise? I’ve seen grown men come to blows over the last bottle of appletise at Henley regatta. One of them threatened to “debag” the other. No idea what that means, but it sounds proper gangster. You wouldn’t see them dead with a perrier.

    And no Ginger beer? Old Jamaica rules. I demand a recount….

  2. Al says:

    I would highly recommend a can of Dr.Pepper with your fish and chips.

  3. oliver says:

    Al’s right about the Dr Pepper / fish’n’chips combo.

    Also do they have Schweppes Golden Apple Zero in London? It’s like a less weedy version of Appeltise: extremely thirst-quenching, perfect for drinking after a spirited game of ping pong.

  4. josh josh says:

    Good choices gents, all with solid cases for inclusion. Appletise did come close, but was trumped by the extra sharp acidity of Lemon Fanta…. Irn Bru was considered, as was Dr Pepper – neither made it.

    Tizer is just lemonade, but red.

  5. mustard says:

    you seem to have ignored the rolls royce of soft drinks – the lager top.

  6. Arkansas says:

    Perrier?! Now that is too soft! Is Lilt not even worth a mention?

    Let’s get tropical bitches!

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