None of these included…
Any seasoned binge drinker will tell you that the key to lasting the night is to slurp weak brewskis, and regularly take in small doses of food. The Spanish call them tapas, we call them bar snacks. Of course, the main difference is that over in sunny Spain these treats tend to be plucked from a nearby ocean that very morning, whereas here in Blighty they hang in rows of packets on the wall, together covering the tanned breasts of a naked glamour girl. But we wouldn’t swap our tasty pub treats for the world. No senor. Here are the four best you can buy…
1. Dry Roasted Peanuts
The king of pub food, they are ideal for scooping up in your hand and piling into your mouth, like a bear scoffing a fistful of mice. They edge out the more traditional salted variety, because they’re much nicer, and they feel somehow less likely to dehydrate you during the night. They go perfectly with a nice tall glass of Carling Black Label.
2. Pork Scratchings
Only the most serious pub goers – the kind that have their mail delivered to the landlord – can truly get away with ordering these hardened chunks of pig fat. Some of which come with hairs attached. They are, however, truly delicious, and should ideally be washed down with something old fashioned, like a great big pint of frothy ale. Or a Fosters.
3. Mini Cheddars
Should you find yourself in a mixed-gender group – perhaps it’s a work do? – this is the only real choice you have. Everyone loves cheese, and these gorgeous little treats can compliment both the sharp acidity of a fruity glass of white wine, and the more macho sugar-rush of a pint. The most diverse snack going.
4. Wasabi Peas
Just like every other delicious modern cuisine, the bar snack is forever evolving, and the latest trend to hit these shores is a fashionable bowl of Wasabi Peas. They look almost exactly like traditional everyday peas, but they contain a taste explosion that will drive you into a berserk frenzy of overwhelming joy. Not to be ordered if the football’s on.