To be wolfed down in moderation, children
Super Size Me, the film about eating fast food every day, gave burgers a terrible name. And yet, other fatty things like chocolate cakes, noodles smeared in peanut butter, and excessive chunks of cheese can still be scoffed in the street, and no one will bat an eyelid – literally no one. It’s a shame, especially as beefburgers taste so good, and if you limit yourself to just one a week, you’ll live a happy life until you’re about 100 or 200 years old. Then you’ll die. With this in mind, we thought it high time we discussed our four favourite burgers, then listed them for others to peruse:
1. Whopper with Cheese
People debate long and hard about Burger King versus McDonalds, and like any holy war, it’s one that will rage until the end of time. A feather for the Burger King cap, then, as they romp home to win with this gargantuan snack. The balance of flavour is totally delightful, and the added salad presumably makes it really good for you. Kids, one of these a day and you’ll grow up to be as fast as Asafa Powell. You have our permission.
2. Quarter Pounder with Cheese
The classic, this one is an old friend. It’s like a standard cheeseburger on steroids, and would be any seasoned fast fooder’s weapon of choice in an eat-off. These work particularly well as a main course, following a starter of nuggets.
3. The Filet-O-Fish
Originally drafted onto the McDonalds menu so that greedy Catholics could still wolf down fast food on fish-only Fridays, this is a must-try for anyone who hasn’t had the pleasure. It’s like a massive fish finger sandwich, and provides extra satisfaction should you order it in the manner of the classic Maccy-D‘s advert – “and a filet-O-fish for my wiiiiife!”
4. The Zinger Burger
Of course, you should always include a chicken option, for people who insist on only eating health food. This is the king of poultry dishes, found exclusively at KFC. The fine battered-breast hides a sudden rush of spice, providing the zing in the title. Delicious.