The Evil Chipmunk
Were Abraham Lincoln not shot down in cold blood during an early screening of Raiders of the Lost Ark, he’d be turning 200 today, making him not just the oldest man in the world, but the oldest man ever. And yet he was robbed so callously of that feat. Abraham, we are truly sorry. Even so, we thought we’d buy him a present anyway, and it boiled down to a toss up between a rap music anthology on cassette (as that’s a format he’d be used to), or a scary clip involving a furry household pet. In the end we got him both. Happy Birthday, Your Highness!