This man is not one of them
Once again, one of our most gifted contributors, Debs, has turned her educated glance onto society. This time focusing on those in the public eye who can’t be bothered with making themselves sparkle. She had this to say…
Just like Elvis Presley, famous people all have an obsession with bathrooms. Bathrooms with televisions. Bathrooms with gold effigies of Jesus. Bathrooms housing a swathe of performing midgets. Except these perennially soiled looking individuals to whom Imperial Leather will always be just another royal fabric:
1. Amy Winehouse
Filthy, dirty songstress who has been seen combing actual fieldmice out of her beehive. Too busy drinking turps and smoking jazz cigarettes to bother with much-needed water/soap combo. Last known wash: April 2004.
2. Britney Spears
Weekly celebrity magazines are obsessed with Soap-Dodger’ Spears‘ weight, whilst overlooking the more fundamental issue of her personal hygiene. Spears has perfected the “just got out of bed” look by just getting out of bed. Not showering.
3. Russell Brand
Resembles what drag queens see staring back at them in the mirror the morning after a night of serious Poppers abuse. Stop making crank calls and get yourself down to the local jet-wash, you scruff-bag!
4. Pete Doherty
Never been within three miles of a nailbrush: that’s a fact. Always sweating – probably due to crack hallucinations about being chased by an angry bottle of pump-soap.