You can keep your damn Skittles, Uncle Sam!
From time to time, we all need a lift – a little boost to takes us through mid-afternoon, all the way to early-evening. This is ideal sweet munching time, but not everyone can be trusted when it comes to delicious confectionaries. Some idiots, for example, choose to eat Turkish Delight or Liquorice, both of which are completely disgusting. Others might go for Fruit Gums, which, yes, taste great, but will claim at least four of your teeth while you chew them. With all of this taken into account, we deemed it high time to list our four favourite sweeties.
1. Jelly Tots
Granted, these are not the most macho sweets you will ever find, but for scoffability, they’re our number one. Soft, fruity, and small – there is no greater pleasure in the world than cramming around fifteen into your mouth in one go. A taste revelation. For the nation.
2. Haribo Tangfastics
Formerly known as Sour Mix, these are only for the real hardcore. The kind of people who kick off a quiet Sunday with a shot of Tequila and the morning after pill. They work best on weeping mouth ulcers, where the eye-watering sourness can send you wild.
3. M&S Wine Gums
Wine Gums are absolutely everywhere, so it’s hard to know which brand of this classic fruit jellied gumdrop to go for. M&S do a particularly good version. Not just any Wine Gum, a deeply sexual, dripping M&S Wine Gum etc…
4. American Hard Gums
Another sugar coated classic, these have a firmer texture than most sweets, but are still simple enough to chew. That said, perhaps have a toothpick at the ready, because these little swines can sense a tooth gap like it was metal and they were a magnet. Delicious.