Why drug dealing is easier than breastfeeding

Published: 26th Jan, 2009

Corner boys, take note

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Sometimes, as men, it’s easy to forget that while breastfeeding looks like a breeze, it really isn’t. We know this because women around us have started making babies appear, and those little things have got a hunger that just won’t quit. A great friend of the site, known as Daisy, has been multitasking through motherhood, simultaneously watching The Wire while junior feeds vigourously and persistently. Here’s what she learned:

Ten reasons why Breastfeeding is More Difficult than being a drug dealer on The Wire (Season 1).

1. You don’t get new clothes, fancy cars or wads of cash for breastfeeding.

2. You have to breastfeed 24/7 – you can deal drugs whenever you like.

3. It’s impossible to get comfortable when breastfeeding – in The Pit you do business from a sofa.

4. If you’re breastfeeding you have to keep your supply on you at all times – selling red-tops you can move your stash whenever you want.

5. Police don’t need snitch evidence and the go ahead from a judge to stop you breastfeeding in public.

6. When you’re breastfeeding you’re on your own – when dealing drugs someone’s always got your back.

7. If you’ve had enough of breastfeeding you can’t give it all up by turning state’s evidence on a few other mums.

8. When you’re breastfeeding you can’t make your junkie punter wait in line.

9. You can’t cut breastmilk up with cheap substitutes to make a profit (though, yes, you probably could with formula).

10. Breastfeeding with cracked nipples hurts SOOO MUCH.

Josh Burt
About the author:
Josh has been a writer and journalist for the best part of twenty years and has written for modern staples like FHM and Cosmopolitan and The Daily Telegraph and The Sun. He has also written a small handful of so-so books that you can still buy.

2 Responses to Why drug dealing is easier than breastfeeding

  1. Rich says:

    I did breastfeeding once. Piece of piss.

  2. Mark says:

    No 1 – oh yes you do. They get new bras because boobs swell up and they get new tops to allow for easy access and they get cover sheets so they can feed in public and they get breast pads which stop your bed becoming a lake in the night.

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