IMPORTANT news about crisps and choc bars

Published: 21st Jan, 2009

Hey Mister, where’s the Skips at?

newsagent

Oh, snack producers are very clever. Whilst cheerfully waving the reissued bags of Roast Beef Monster Munch in your face with one hand, the other is frantically sweeping all the left over Cheese and Onion Squares into a van and having them driven to the crematorium. It’s happened before many many times – where are all the Spicy Tomato Snaps? Haven’t seen Chicken flavour crisps for a while, huh? Can’t remember the last time you lay on the grass seductively gobbling a Lion bar to impress a lover? Our best snacks are in danger, for Christ’s sake! Go to your local shop right now, and you’d be hard pushed to find a decent gentleman’s lunch of Skips, cheese and ham slice, can of Lilt, with a Caramac for pudding in this damn city/country. So, next time you’re in your nearest snack house, ask the kind man where the Skips are, and if he starts sweating and babbling about shipments, stock and the damn credit crunch, you have permission to go totally ballistic.

We’re watching you, bureaucrats.

Josh Burt
About the author:
Josh has been a writer and journalist for the best part of twenty years and has written for modern staples like FHM and Cosmopolitan and The Daily Telegraph and The Sun. He has also written a small handful of so-so books that you can still buy.

2 Responses to IMPORTANT news about crisps and choc bars

  1. mustard says:

    An important issue that I’m delighted you raised. It’s got something to do with a shadowy masonic group called “The Illuminati” . A close look at the dollar bill reveals a multitude of scary masonic symbols (the all seeing eye for one). If you draw a pentagram on a skips packet, you can clearly see dark and mysterious new world order imagery. It’s mildly disappointing at best and a bit terrifying at worst.

  2. Forty-Forty Five says:

    Lilt? I thought that was discontinued in cans years ago?

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