Do not copy these rebels, kids
Most of us are lucky, we grow up in big urban cities, and are so full of suspicion and mistrust that we can merrily go to the cinema without expecting to leave with big ideas sloshing about our brains. We’re the fortunate ones. But think of all the bored simpletons growing up in woodland forests, or the imbred people living in tin huts on the edges of lakes. They only go to the pictures probably ten to fifteen times a year, and when they do, they come away with big deluded ideas about saving the planet. Here’s what the buck-toothed children growing up in the swamps would learn from Lord of The Rings:
1. Should you stumble across some discarded jewelery, for Christ’s sake run! Run for miles!
2. If you’re short on friends, hang out with the elderly bearded loner who’s never had any time for women.
3. Small angry Scottish people are there to be laughed at.
4. In fact, most small people are friendly, innocent and approachable.
5. If your best friend starts falling a bit in love with you, toy with his emotions.
6. Should you meet a creepy little monster and you’re lost, allow him to be your guide.
7. Even though you’re just a small rubbish child, you are the GREATEST PERSON ON THE PLANET.
8. Horses scream.
9. Trees can talk.
10. Cool guys wear rings.
Actually, the last one is true…