Forgotten beauties: 1980s Madonna

Published: 14th Jan, 2009

Woman empties bangle shop


Few things have ever been worse than cheerfully sitting down to watch Blind Date, only for it to be the old people edition. Invariably, an elderly woman called Doris would think it appropriate to yank up her skirt to show the world that she still has mind-blowing legs, exposing some disturbing wrinkly thighs, and a stilton like quality to the skin on her calves. Horrible. And, unfortunately, not a million miles away from watching present day Madonna, cavorting around on stage, 50-year-old bum cheeks hanging heavily from her leotard knickers. It’s unsightly. But, yet, she did once look absolutely fantastic. Back in the 1980s, when she burst onto the scene, she was about as intriguing, terrifying and sexually alluring as a woman could be. A true legend. Now cover yourself up, love.

As always, we can’t chuck the boys some molten flesh from the 1980s, without giving the girls a hunk from the same era. Below is Tom Selleck.


You’re welcome.

Josh Burt
About the author:
Josh has been a writer and journalist for the best part of twenty years and has written for modern staples like FHM and Cosmopolitan and The Daily Telegraph and The Sun. He has also written a small handful of so-so books that you can still buy.

3 Responses to Forgotten beauties: 1980s Madonna

  1. ARE YOU INSANE?! I have seen Madonna recently. Her “50 year old butt cheeks” look a million times better than the AVERAGE 18 year old, who is AT BEST: AVERAGE! Are you aware the average woman in the United States weighs 140 pounds and wears a size 14?!?!?! Madonna is a size 4 at the largest!!!!! (Far from being heavy, frankly, Madonna’s butt could stand to be rounder! Most HETEROSEXUAL men prefer asses to be more full, such as, Beyonce, Jennifer Lopez, and Jennifer Biel!) What kind of anorexic loving pedophile are you to criticize Madonna’s looks?!?! Or, are you just jealous because you are gay and want to be her, or straight and know you could never have anyone who looks even half as good as she does without paying exorbitant amounts for it? Idiotic and UNTRUE comments such as yours are the reason so many women in this country have body issues. GET A CLUE, YOU IDIOT! The terms young and beautiful are not mutually exclusive! There are tons of beautiful older people. (For instance, you look like you might be younger than Hugh Jackman and Pierce Brosnan; but, you are sure will never be as good-looking!) Most people in the world ARE and ALWAYS WILL BE AVERAGE – hence the very meaning of the word! Madonna looks better than the average young girl covorting around the average beach or wet T-shirt contest! Cover up? Whatever!!! I think most HETEROSEXUAL men, as well as, many of my gay male friends would still love to see Madonna nude! And, compared to what someone who looks like you usually would get to see naked (for free, anyway!), I’m sure you would, too! You’re just jealous because you’re not in the shape she’s in! From the looks of your pic, it looks like you’ve never seen a gym; and, I’m certain that at no time in your life have you ever been called “a beauty”!

    You think Madonna’s butt is “heavy”? Let me guess! You think “Miss Anorexia Nervosa of the Year”, Taylor Swift has a nice body? YUK! Now that’s a bony ass that needs to stay covered! All that money she makes, you’d think they’d feed her!

    The only taste you have is in your mouth!

  2. Avatar Existing says:

    “”Madonna, cavorting around on stage, 50-year-old bum cheeks hanging heavily from her leotard knickers. It’s unsightly.””
    I’ve seen no visual evidence to support this description. I suspect this comment is based more on conceptions of a certain age than what its subject actually looks like.

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