Not so wonderful, we say
Here’s a stone cold fact: no one has ever seen the middle hour of It’s a Wonderful Life. Full of turkey, half of the family has passed out, some are too drunk to see straight, and because it’s in black and white, kids under sixteen can’t make it out on the television screen. And it’s just as well, because it features a thirty minute eye to the camera Jimmy Stewart monologue about some pretty perverted sex acts. Or so we expect. In fact, even if it doesn’t, it still shouldn’t be allowed on television at all. Here’s what it would have our children believe:
1. Guardian angels will only visit you once your deteriorating mental state has driven you to the edge of suicide.
2. If you are a married guy with kids, jump off that bridge on Christmas Eve. After all, you don’t want to ruin their birthdays.
3. Guardian angels will only help out if God promises to give them a set of wings in return. There are no freebies in the angeling business.
4. Your actual dreams and ambitions will never come true. George wanted to design skyscrapers, damn it!
5. When the chips are down, your neighbours will ALWAYS be there to help you out with money.
6. The whole world does actually revolve around you. You are the centre of not only your universe, but everyone else’s too.
7… so when you think that hope is gone, look inside you and be strong, and you’ll finally see the truth, that the hero lies in yooooooooooo…
Oh shut up, Carey!